I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
