I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
