no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
