Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
