i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
