Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
