Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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