dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
