You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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