Where is the hickey?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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