If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
