the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
