my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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