he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
