come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
