The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
don't judge my taste in strippers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize