TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
