Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
