I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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