This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize