Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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