I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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