It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
