He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
