Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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