I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
