Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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