i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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