you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
