did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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