oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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