She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
