i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
please come you make the beer taste better
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
