i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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