if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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