I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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