Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
