Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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