I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
