you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
