Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
