You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
