Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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