There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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