Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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