Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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