If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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