She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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