I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
