did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
