I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
