If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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