just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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