is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
