ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
