Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
