I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
