my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize