he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
