I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
