Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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