just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
