yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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