been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
