i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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